Who am I?
by Ocianne
Summary: A series of introspective one-shots, where the Senshi each take a chance to examine themselves and answer the ever-present question. Ami, Rei, Makoto and Minako are up.
1. Mizuno Ami

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Disclaimer: Sailor Moon does not belong to me, or anyone I know. Don't sue me, because all you'll get is... um... the dime I found in my chair cushions? Yeah.

Summary: A slightly introspective series of one-shots, where the Senshi answer the ever-present question. Ami's part.

AN: Well, here I am again... I've wanted to write an Ami-centered fic for a while, and this is the result. Please read and review! (And check out my other story, Fae, as well. It's my main fic.) Thanks!

Story completed: 10-12-03

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Who am I?

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Who am I, you ask? That is not an easy question to answer.

To the world outside, I am a bookworm, who does nothing but read all day; a genius, never having to work in order to excel in school; a little rich girl, who has all the material goods anyone could ever want. My life is perfect, with a famous mother and father and the world at my feet. I am a stuck-up snob, who thinks people aren't worth wasting my time on, but would rather be alone with my books and my computer.

To the world, I am a Senshi, one of the magically-gifted protectors of earth. I am one of the Inner Guard of Princess Serenity, the reborn Princess of the Moon and Sailor Moon. I appear only where there is trouble, and vanish into thin air once the danger is over. I am a myth, a legend, a strange fantasy, not quite real but not unreal either.

Who am I?

To my friends, I am an introverted, quiet girl. I am shy of people, especially of boys, and intimidated by the thought of a relationship with another. I am the cool one, the calm and collected one, who will never lose her head in I crisis. The intelligent one, who works hard for my successes, who is driven by my dreams. Yet my first loyalty is to my friends, and I will never put anything above them. 

To my friends, I am the Senshi of Intelligence. I am the strategist, the tactician, and can always find a way to do anything. I will never be foiled by a puzzle, or beaten by anything logic can overcome. I am the one who orchestrates the strategy of our battles. I am she upon whom falls the duty of ensuring that my fellow senshi survive every encounter, while the enemy does not. I am a vital piece of the structure known as the Sailor Senshi, located very near the heart of the mechanism.

Who am I?

I am a young woman, at the height of her life. I am beautiful, or so my friends tell me — "a flower in full bloom." I am short and petite, with a quiet demeanor that supposedly makes people comfortable around me. 

I was the High School valedictorian, and am at the head of my college classes. I am pursuing my dream to be a doctor, despite the strange looks people give me when I say this.

I am the Princess of my planet. I am royalty of the long-dead Silver Millennium, a member of Queen Serenity's Court. I hold the position of Royal Instructor to the Princess, and am a member of Princess Serenity's inner circle of friends. I have died and been reborn countless times. Always I live and serve my Princess, my leader and my friend. Without her there is no life for me.

I was and am a woman loved. My love has been by my side for countless lives, but now I am alone, for he was stolen from me. Yet I do not lose hope, and wait for the day when my love will return to me, and take up his place at his liege's side. And mine. 

Who am I?

I am a girl trying to make my way in the world. 

I live. 

I feel. 

I hurt. 

I hope. 

I love.

I am Intelligence.

I am Water.

I am a Sailor Soldier, the avatar of my Planet.

I am a Princess.

I am a girl.

I am a woman.

I am...

I am Sailor Mercury.

I am Mizuno Ami.

But most of all, I am myself.

~Fin~

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Well, that was interesting. I might even do one of these for each of the girls. Should I? Please review! *Thanks profusely in advance*

See you next time!

~Ocianne

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	2. Hino Rei

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Disclaimer: SM's not mine, yada yada yada.

Summary: A series of slightly introspective one-shots, where each Senshi answers the ever-present question. Rei's turn.

Finished:

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Who am I?

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Who am I?

What do _you_ care? And why should I trust you, anyway? 

...Oh. Because you want to know the truth... 

Well, my Princess would bid me answer you for that reason, so in the name of truth, I'll speak.

People think that I'm strange, scary... with "creepy" (to quote one stupid, stuck-up prick of a girl) powers that no one can explain, or even really believes exist. Oh, and did I mention that those same people call me arrogant and conceited, simply because I avoid them and their ridicule? I'm too good for the world, and would prefer to spend my time sweeping the stones of the Hikawa Jinja or feeding my pet crows, which is an oddity in itself. Apparently no "sensible, normal, girl" would ever dream of having anything that lacks fur or garishly bright colors as a pet.

The world knows me as the Senshi of Fire, with a temper as hot as the element I wield. I protect the Earth, have died for it, and yet receive no thanks. Many believe that I and my fellow Senshi are mere phantasms, unreal beings created by those with overactive imaginations. And even for those who do believe, because I have been seen to criticize my leader, I am criticized myself. 

And yet...

My friends know that I have my temper because I am so passionate, and believe strongly in so many things. I give everything my all, which is why I become angry with those who do not. I am the fiery one, the "hot-head", but when they call me that I know it to be friendly teasing, not an insult. To them my unusual powers are a gift, not a curse, and with their unconditional acceptance of them I can find the strength to accept them also.

I am the Senshi of War, upholding the traditions of my namesake. I carry within me the soul of a warrior, and my fellow Senshi recognize this and respect me for it. They know that I criticize my Princess only because I follow the warrior's way, and she does not. I am a Senshi of Love and Justice as she is, but while she is full of love for all, I search only for justice. Mercy is not the warrior's way — and she understands this, even though she does not ascribe to it herself. That is why I follow her. Her love and compassion encompass all, including me. And so I am content to fight for her and protect her with all the power that I possess.

Who am I?

What have you seen me to be?

I have grown and matured since I first met my friends, and they all readily call me beautiful. I still have little patience for anything annoying or stupid, but my temper has calmed somewhat from where it once was. I still live at the Hikawa Jinja with my grandfather, who remains alive and well despite his age. When he dies I plan to take up his duties in caring for the shrine, but until then, I pursue my dream of a career in the spotlight.

I am the Senshi and the Princess of my planet, even though the days of when the title meant something have long since passed. Though most people know nothing of the Moon Kingdom and our former lives, my fellow Senshi do and that is enough. Together we protect our beloved Princess, to whom my loyalty has been sworn for innumerable lifetimes, and for any more still to come. She is my life; without her I am nothing.

Besides my Princess and my fellow Senshi, no one may claim having access to my heart save one. One of the guards of my Prince and future King, who conquered my heart before I knew that he desired to do so. Though he is no longer beside me, I know that it was only because he was stolen from me by force. I know not how many times I have been forced to fight him, how many times he has been taken from me. In this life, fate has been both cruel and kind, for I fought and destroyed him before I knew the truth, which would have likely given him enough of an advantage to kill me also. However, now that I have gained even a paltry fraction of my memories, I can recognize him and know what I have done. 

For this, I wonder if he will ever be able to forgive me. In this life he had no will, no thought, no freedom, could do nothing else but what his masters willed. Yet, I... I destroyed him, before anything could be done to try and save him. I wonder sometimes how I was forced to kill him before, and if he truly deserved his death. And I will now live the remainder of this life alone, for no other man could replace him in my heart and should he return, I do not see why he would still wish to know me. My Princess, with her heart full of love and forgiveness, tries to give me hope, but I have difficulty believing in her words of comfort. Why, if he should ever manage to return to serving his rightful prince, would he desire to be with me? I am torn between longing to be with him once more, even if for only a moment, and fear of being rejected when he realizes what I have done.

Who am I?

I am a woman living through a strange dream, waiting to wake up and find that all is well.

I wait.

I hope.

I desire.

I fear.

I hurt.

I love.

I am Passion.

Fire.

A Senshi.

I am Sailor Mars.

I am Hino Rei.

But no matter how many names I take, or faces I wear... I will always remain myself. Nothing will ever make me change.

~Fin~

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Well, there you have it, the product of an age of writer's block combined with a night of no sleep. Why do the Muses only come when you're supposed to be asleep? Anyway, overall I think Rei turned out rather well. I hope I got her accurately enough. Next will come Makato whenever she's done. I hope you enjoyed Rei's little monologue of thoughts. Please, tell me what you think in a review! *points at button at bottom of page and at email address on profile* See you next update!

~Ocianne

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	3. Kino Makoto

Disclaimer: 'S not mine and it's not yours, so get over it already. 

Summary: A series of slightly introspective one-shots, where each Senshi answers the ever-present question. Makoto's thoughts. 

Completed: 2-23-04  
  
Who am I?

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Who am I?  
  
You mean you actually want to know?  
  
Most people see only what they want to see, and don't bother to look for what's really there.  
  
Rumors say that I am a bully, a rebel, a fighter... Prone to get into trouble and not caring when I do. People are scared of me, avoid me, because they've heard of my strength and fighting ability. I'm stronger than they are, and so immediately become the enemy, or at very least, an outcast. Girls stare at my tall frame as I pass them in the hallways, and gossip behind my back when they think I'm not there to hear. They especially ridicule my tendency to have an instant crush on any cute boy who looks remotely like my old boyfriend. And boys... boys usually see me as a rival, or a conquest to brag about to their fellow jerks.  
  
I am equally renowned for my fighting as the Senshi of Lightning, with my fellow warriors. But still I cannot escape others' scorn, for I have heard people talking about my counterpart, Sailor Jupiter: that she is a loose cannon, the least intelligent of the senshi, a girl nothing in her favor but brute strength. That Jupiter will someday impetuously attack an enemy and get herself injured or killed for it. They say I have too much power, and can't control it properly; Or, the worst of all, they attempt to debunk my very existence, despite the collecting evidence which refutes skepticism.  
  
That's what most people see. Do you believe it? In reality, it's not the way that I am...  
  
I am the Senshi of Strength and Protection, and work hard to protect my fellow senshi. Mercury, especially in the past, has survived a battle only because of a warning, or in extreme situations, being tackled to the ground. I swear, that girl has no sense of self-preservation. She's too busy trying to figure out how to destroy the monster to worry about avoiding it.  
  
The powers granted me by my guardian planet are, well, powerful... To be struck down by lightning is apparently a rather unpleasant experience. Though when I first awoke as a Senshi my control could occasionally slip, over the years I have learned to better understand my powers and can use them without much difficulty. They will always be ready to be used in the protection of my fellow senshi and my Princess. There might be times where my desire to protect one of them will cause me to make an occasional rash mistake, but I'm learning to control my impetuousness. Really. The sound of Venus' incredulous laughter in my mind as I make this statement is irrelevant.  
  
Moving on...  
  
I am a tomboy, certainly, and I enjoy it, but those who know me recognize that I don't fight without reason. I fight to protect those who are weaker and can't defend themselves, because too many take advantage of them. Even though those I protect may be ungrateful, I will still fight for them because it is the right thing to do. Nor do I lack feminine qualities — one of my favorite hobbies is cooking, and my friends devour the goodies I make for our meetings and parties. The rest of my time is spent cleaning house and caring for the jungle of plants in my apartment, or going boyhunting with my friends. I will admit that I still have a tendency to be rather boy crazy, but I'm not much worse than Mina is when she sees a cute guy.  
  
And though I have had crushes on countless boys, I recognize them for what they are — brief infatuations, to soon be forgotten. I'm still waiting for love and I guess you could say I sometimes get impatient and look too hard. Right now, I'm still waiting for my fairytale romance. When I was younger I would have said that I had experienced love, but looking at the relationship that my Princess shares with her Prince, I'm forced to admit that in this lifetime, I've never known its joys. The deepest parts of my heart have yet to be given to another; like my fellow guardians I wait for the day when my past love will return to me once again. Sailor Pluto refuses to tell us if this will occur during this lifetime, but I will not give up hope that it still might happen. I want to be with him so badly that there are nights when I physically ache from the intensity of my emotions.  
  
...I killed him again this lifetime. I'm not proud of it, but when he becomes himself again I know that he'll understand why I did it. At the time I didn't even know who he was and what he meant to me, and regardless, the safety of my Princess is higher priority than anything else in my life. He knew — knows — will know — and remember that he would have done the same for his Prince had our roles been reversed. Sometimes, though, I worry about whether he'll be able to understand and accept that I've forgiven him. His sense of justice is equal to mine, and I fear that he will think himself unworthy of pardon. If he does, then he would most likely avoid ever coming in contact with me or my friends, and I won't ever have the chance to actually tell him that I've forgiven him, love him, and want to spend forever with him by my side.  
  
Of course, I don't spend my life pining away, either. I still live in Japan like all of my friends do, and attend the local college on a sports scholarship. While my major is the Culinary Arts, I do enjoy sports and am a long-distance runner on the track team, among other things. As Jupiter's avatar I have been granted greater physical strength, endurance and size than many boys have, let alone most women. Though I will never be as fast as some, I have been told I'm the ideal marathon runner. Being tall is advantageous for once, since my long legs tend to eat up the yards. In the past I've cursed being only half-Japanese and so intimidatingly tall, but I've adjusted and now at least have a use for it.  
  
I still live in my tiny apartment, since it's close to the college and it means I can keep my privacy. For one thing, sneaking out at night to fight would be suspicious to a roommate and probably the entire dormitory floor. For another ever since my once-skinny frame filled out I've gained my share of male attention. Unwanted male attention, at that. When I was younger I would have enjoyed it, but ever since my memories of the past began to surface I've been a taken woman. Until he returns I will continue chasing my dream to be a famous chef, but I look forward to the day when I can fulfill my other dream of being a bride.  
  
Who am I?  
  
I am a warrior waiting for the day when my equal will once more fight by my side. I am a princess, waiting for the prince of my dreams to sweep me off my feet.  
  
I live.  
  
I love.  
  
I wait.  
  
I dream.  
  
I am a guardian to my Princess.  
  
I am the avatar of my planet.  
  
I am Lightning.  
  
I am Strength.  
  
I am Sailor Jupiter.  
  
I am Kino Makoto.  
  
And beyond duty, beyond obligations to the world, beyond my past, my future, and my many names and identities... Beyond all of that, there will always remain something of the person I am at this moment, even if I should lose the life I have now. There will always be a part of myself, however small, that remembers being Makoto... Mako-chan.  
  
Fin

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Makoto's chance to be in the spotlight! I enjoyed this one a lot, mostly because it's given me a chance to define her character in my mind better (including unique twists to her character). Minako's part will be next after this, but I don't know if I'll do any of the other girls. (Or Mamoru.) It depends on whether I get the inspiration for it. Please review, and see you next time! 

Ocianne 


	4. Aino Minako

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Disclaimer: I don't own it. Wish I could, but I don't.  
  
Summary: A series of slightly introspective one-shots, where each Senshi answers the ever-present question. Minako's vignette.  
  
Finished: 1-20-04  
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Who am I?  
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Who am I?  
  
Well, I've had a good many identities throughout the past, but my most basic, consistent title would be the Goddess of Love.  
  
If you were to ask others about me, they'd tell you quite a story. For instance, Furahata Motoki, manager of the Crown Arcade, would probably say that I'm a nice, if slightly naive, girl with a tendency to mix up her sayings and who loved the racing games as a kid but could never win them. My old schoolteachers would probably describe me as a slacker, since I barely scraped by with a passing grade for most of my school years. I expect my fellow classmates would agree, except for my performance in P.E.: no one can dispute my aptitude for sports, especially volleyball. Not that physical education counts for much in a G.P.A.  
  
And then you have the rumors propagated by "people", and everything said by the group known only as "them". If you listened to those rumors, you'd know me as a blonde ditz, who despite having a great figure succumbs to the stereotype and is severely lacking in brains. An eternal optimist, certainly, but almost impossible to have a real conversation with - bright, sunny, cheerful and carefree, but nothing more. Such a disposition seeps into every area of my life, from academics to romance. Like my friend Lita, I flit from crush to crush, never serious in my pursuits but always energetic and enthusiastic. Acquaintances always pity the boys I target, because my enthusiasm is known to cause... uncomfortable situations.  
  
And that's just the human side of me; you wouldn't believe the bad press my alter ego received.  
  
Sailor Venus, codename Sailor V. Masked heroine of justice and bane of both criminals and the police force, that's who I was. The head investigator of the police force hated me, as I discovered near the end of my stint as V. According to him I was a menace who interfered within police jurisdiction, but couldn't even be counted on for my interference if they needed it. And in important situations regarding the negaverse I always won my battles with a large supply of coaching from Artemis and even more dumb luck. But that's old news.  
  
Eventually I found my true mission. I'm known as Sailor Venus now, a Senshi fighting for love and justice. V is gone. And yet, Venus seems to have inherited her legacy. The blonde Senshi of Love and Beauty, I'm also the leader, the one forced to make the critical decisions when half a second will mean life or death for one of my comrades. But people don't see that, they don't... instead, I'm the ditzy counterpart to our "real" leader, Sailor Moon. I've heard people say I deserve to be the bodyguard and apparent double for my Princess not because of our close resemblance, but because I'm not capable of anything else. On the other hand, I'm also criticized as the one seen making the decisions in a battle that cause a building to be demolished, or a car to be destroyed. Because I choose that an inanimate hunk of concrete or metal be damaged rather than my friends, I am rash and untrustworthy - I don't think things through well enough to consider the consequences. Sometimes I want to tell the owner of the building or car that I could substitute their property with themselves the next battle, if they so desire. It might hurt my reputation even more, but it'd almost be worth it just for the satisfaction of their panicked responses.  
  
I'm rambling, aren't I? I'm afraid that that's one blonde habit I've never managed to escape. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes: what most everyone sees and believes. I can be a klutz. Sometimes I act like a ditz. But that's not all I am...  
  
There are two things that define my life more than anything else; one is that I care. I want to help my friends - cheer them up, encourage them, see them happy with their life. Sometimes I'm not able to do so, but not from lack of effort. Clumsiness, maybe, which I admit is something I've never outgrown, but never laziness. If my friends can be happy with their lives, then I am content with my own. And usually, content is the best I can do. I'm always bright, bubbly and cheerful, of course, my friends will attest to that, but it's so easy to be like that when you're only living in the moment, surrounded by others whom you want to be happy. When I'm alone with my thoughts, life tends to have a depressing pallor. But I'll never let that stop me; someday I might find my life worth living for itself, but until then existing for others is good enough for me. Depressing, you might say, but nonetheless true, and they're worth it.  
  
The other defining aspect of my life is Duty. Even if, Aphrodite forbid, I stopped caring about my friends, duty alone would be enough to keep me going. I am the head of Princess Serenity's guard, and though I love my Princess, my position is one I would never wish on another. I answer to no one but myself, take orders from no one but myself, and am accountable for my actions only to my conscience. My sister-senshi will never know what it is like to make a decision and realize that it is your fault that someone died because you made a mistake. They follow my orders, because they trust my judgment and believe in my leadership. Though I love them, and am honored by their trust, sometimes I wonder if I deserve my position. Throughout my entire career as Venus, only though the encouragement of my Princess and Artemis have I been able to carry on. They see something in me that I cannot see myself, and as they trust my judgment in matters of protecting Serenity, so I must trust them in matters regarding my capabilities.  
  
Even with my doubts, however, I have always done my utmost to fulfill my duties as best I could. I will make the difficult decisions in battles so that my Princess may remain innocent and free of guilt, able to enjoy life to the fullest. I'll make the split-second judgment calls that Mercury lacks the decisiveness in the heat of battle to make herself, give the necessary cold and dispassionate orders because Mars lets her emotions rule her actions, and rationally draw up a battle plan that Jupiter would be too rash to wait for. The responsibility falls to me alone, and I will carry the burden of both my decisions and the guilt of their consequences myself. They don't know, any of them, from the paparazzi to my fellow Senshi, what a heavy burden that is.  
  
Perhaps the burden would be lighter if I were free of a previous lifetime's worth of guilt, in which I failed my duty, my Princess, my sister Senshi, and my Queen. The consequences of my failure cost too much to ever be considered atoned for: the fall of an entire Empire, the deaths of the Empire's subjects, and the deaths of the most important people in my life - my Princess, my family, my "sisters", my world, my life... my love. I couldn't protect them, any of them, and will always remember the disgrace to my honor and abilities I can never be rid of, even in a thousand lifetimes.  
  
Honor... such a funny thing. To command others respect used to be so important to me. It was always important to him, too. Just like duty. That was why we were drawn to each other - so alike, and yet so different at the same time. I refused to dwell on my guilt to escape it; he welcomed it as the reason behind his drive for perfection in his current actions. The way we approached everything seemed to be from opposite sides of the spectrum, and yet so often we achieved the same result. So alike, and yet so different.  
  
I can't even bring myself to say his name. The pain is still too raw, even after all this time. He is why I flit from crush to crush, trying to find him in someone else, but never succeeding. I'll never be able to let him go, but somehow, I don't really mind. I once chose love over duty, and destroyed my world; now I will always choose duty over love, and until duty permits me, I will never find love again. By keeping him safely as a memory, I can dream of love and be spared the inevitable pain of trying to love someone else, or someday seeing him alive again and being forced to deal with the latent agony of betrayal and parting I hide deep within my heart.  
  
But such a burden is only to be carried during times of battle, not in times of peace, when there are a thousand activities to immerse one's self in, in order to forget. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for so many of the things I've done... but usually, I can forget.  
  
I share a dorm room with Usagi at the local college, and because Rei and I are both majoring in Drama we take many of the same classes. Mako-chan hosts at her tiny apartment to study, though, and Ami continues to lead and tutor us when she can pull herself away from her mountain load of schoolwork. We have good times together, when we can, just like we did in the days of High School and Junior High. I still even visit the Crown Arcade for old times sake, and watch the joy of younger kids as they experience the highs and lows of gaming. Sometimes I play the Sailor V game, when I'm feeling especially nostalgic. Those were good times, but life goes on.  
  
My life continues too, including the beginning of a modeling career. An agent "discovered" me a few years back, and with the help of Ami as my brilliant contract manager, I'll be able to get through college with minimal debt. If I can settle decisively on a major long enough to get my degree, that is. I'm part of the theatre club at the college too, and have started collecting connections among the film industry majors. A few years ago such initiative would have shocked my friends, but I'm growing up. If I'm lucky, I might land an acting career with one of these people once I refine my skills a bit. If there's anything I hate, it's monotonous regularity, and I'll go mad if I stay a model forever. Life is full of infinite possibilities, but so far acting sounds the most interesting.  
  
Until then, however, I continue in my life, waiting for something to change. Graduation day, another battle, maybe even the arrival of the far future we once saw. With the Senshi life is never normal for long, I just can never tell what strange version of reality I'll wake up to next.  
  
This... is who I am. Human, flawed. A warrior, once torn between love and duty, but knowing now that duty will prevail. A Princess of a long dead kingdom, a guardian of the future Queen of Crystal Tokyo. A girl of Tokyo, Japan, growing up as time marches relentlessly on. I am, was, and always will be, Minako. Mina. V-chan.  
  
I know who I am, and accept it.  
  
Do you?  
  
- Fin -  
  
- - - - -  
  
Minako speaks, finally. I hope that she is accurately portrayed in this, and that you enjoyed it. Feel free to criticize any part of the fic in a review. The four inner senshi are done - what happens next? I'll be writing a story-plot introduction to these vignettes to give then a grounded reason for existing; as was pointed out to me, the girl's wouldn't open up like this without a very good reason. After this belated introduction, I plan to revise Ami and Rei's chapters, particularly Ami's. Hers was written before I had a good idea of what I was doing, and she deserves a better (and longer) vignette. After that... who knows what will be next?  
  
Ocianne 


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